Sometimes when we date, it feels like we repeat the same relationship over and over again with men who decide they don’t want a relationship, cheat, or are emotionally unavailable. Generally, that relationship fails over and over, leaving us single and heartbroken. So how do we stop this cycle so that we can end up in a positive and lasting relationship with a partner who wants the same things we do? Well, there are patterns of thinking we can change in order to break the cycle and stop going after unavailable men.
Review Your Past Relationships
In order to figure out how you can find a healthier, lasting, and new relationship, we need to review our past relationships. Did it seem like a past boyfriend was allergic to commitment? Have you had several boyfriends cheat on you? What is your self esteem like in a relationship? Do you feel like you had to work extra hard to keep him interested or else he’d leave you? Or like you are less interesting or deserving than he is?
If you tend answer yes to any of the above questions, you might be an emotional chaser. Emotional chasers end up in relationships with people who are only half interested in the relationship, which dooms the relationship to ultimately fail. Do you feel like you are pursuing your partners more than they are pursuing you? Read on to help yourself break the cycle.
Take Stock of Your Perspective
Before you begin a romantic relationship with a person, what traits attracts you to them? What repels you from a potential partner? What have you learned from your past relationships? What do you think is the overarching purpose of a romantic relationship?
You may realize patterns in your previous partners’ behavior, or even your expectations, that lead the relationship into its end. Changing what you look for in a partner can help you find a different kind of partner. Everyone deserves to have a kind, reliable, and emotionally stable significant other. Everyone should be honest about what they want from a romantic relationship, including fidelity, clear communication, and honesty.
The Purpose of Romantic Relationships
Too often women enter a romantic relationship with a person hoping that they can change the man, or at least change his mind. We hope that once they realize how wonderful we are and how much we love them they will realize that we are soul mates, that he wants to be faithful, and/or that they love us too. But that is unrealistic.
A healthy romantic relationship supports both people in the couple equally. It should leave you happy, supported, stronger, confident, secure, and feeling safe. Anything less is unhealthy and you deserve more.
By changing your perspective on romance and what you are looking for in a potential partner, you are bound to start looking for healthy traits. That will lead you towards a healthy relationship and your happily ever after.